Night of the Living Harry
by Superguy559
Summary: Oneshot, post DH. Harry Potter, Ron Wesley and Hermione Granger get into more trouble than expected when they go off in search of a madman…


Night of the Living Harry

Harry Potter, Ron Wesley and Hermione Granger, who were now old and shitty, were walking down the path of an ancient ruin searching for an evil satanic priest. He had been selling baby orphans to sex traffickers, blowing up army hospitals and selling second rate lemonade on the street and the trio were here to kill him.

They reached an old door inscribed with scenes from the book of revelation and paused to think of a plan. "Right here's the plan. I wait out here and let you two go in there and kill this pimp, then I take all the glory and have sex in my personal whore house." Harry said to his long-time friends.

"I'm a gingernut!" Ron said.

Hermione Granger shit her pants. "No way! He'll kill us!"

Harry Potter kicked Hermione in the vagina, it was red and bushy and nobody wanted it, expect for Ron but then again it's not like he could do any better. "Shut up you slut! Get in there now before I sick the dementors on you!"

"No not that! Okay I'll do it." Hermione said.

They stood outside for a second before Ron used his magic to blast the door down and duo ran in screaming. Harry could hear them blowing up the walls and the furniture, but after a while they stopped after they had destroyed everything.

Harry walked in and saw the carnage, but no sight of that priest could be found. Harry punched Hermione, knocking out some teeth and said "Well were the fuck is he! Did you get the bastard?"

"Sorry my lord but he isn't here…" Hermione said averting her eyes to the ground.

Harry turned his head towards Ron "Well did you have any luck?"

"I'm a gingernut…" Ron said with tears in his eyes.

"Goddammit!" Harry said smashing his head on the floor. "Where is he!"

"I'm right here Harry." A voice came from the shadows. A man appeared with red eyes and no nose and smiled.

"Who the fuck are you!" Harry said pulling out his wand.

"I am the son of Voldemort, my name is Voldemort 2. Prepare to die!" he said back. He reached into his robes and from it pulled out a Beretta M9 pistol, and shot Hermione in the chest, blowing up her boobies! Hermione's boobs were implants and the leaking fluid got into her blood and poisoned her nervous system. She fell on the floor convulsing like a retard and died.

"I'm a gingernut!" Ron screamed, pointing his wand at the dark lord's son, but since he could only say one sentence, he couldn't cast any spells. Voldemort 2 shot him in the brain and his death throws shit in his pants. Well… he would have if he hadn't had an intestinal infection mixed with tape worms and gonorrhoea from Hermione's old lady pussy, so instead he also shat out all of his internal organs and they went splat on the cold stone floor of the medieval kings. He died too.

"No! They were my personal slaves! How dare you kill them!" Harry said. "Avada K-" but before he could finish, Voldemort 2 shot off his hand, leaving nothing but a bleeding stump. The magic that would have been used in the killing curse started to leak out of the veins that were now exposed and started to dissolve his arm at a frightening speed.

"Mr Potter, it seems that your own spell has backfired." Voldemort 2 said walking over to the man rolling on the ground screaming in agony. Voldemort 2 stamped on his groin, stopping him, and looked at him with a smug grin. "Does it hurt? I hope it does. I hope it gives you as much pain as I felt when you killed my father, you cunt!" He looked at Harry's arm and saw that at about the elbow the dissolving had stopped and all that was left was an extremely sharp looking bit of bone. "It appears that all of your magic has left you, that is normally a sign in a wizard that his death draws near." He pointed the gun at Harry's head and said "Now to do what my father never could. Any last words?"

Harry only spat at him and said "Yeah, fuck you asshole." And then Voldemort 2 pulled the trigger. The bullet entered were Harry's scar was and caused fire to come rushing out like on a punchered fuel tank on fire. It was the last of the magical love protection that his mother had bestowed on him, the fuck load of good it had done him then when he'd really needed it.

So there he lay. The-boy-who-lived was finally dead. "Yes! Now no one can stop my evil plan! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" then with that last laugh he ran into the night, ready to take over the world.

One year later

Voldemort 2 was now the ruler of both the wizarding world and the muggle world. He had first gone to Hogwarts and killed all of the main characters kids off, to make sure that there could never be any rebellion against him, or God forbid any more Harry Potter books. He then raised an army of nymphomaniacs and raped the entire wizarding world into submission. The muggle world didn't even bother with a resistance after seeing that lustful conquest.

So here he was now in his country mansion, drinking the finest wine and having sex with the finest whores that earth had to offer. He truly was a god.

"Mmmmm, Volde darling. That was… amazing." Luna Lovegood said caressing his face. She was his most frequent hook up in times of raging hornyness and Luna was only too pleased to… take care of him. Not that you can blame the girl, I mean after all, at least in her and this author's opinion, Voldemort and his son are two sexy bitches.

"You certainly know how to please a man Luna. Now leave, the money's were it usually is. You go off and find those… Nargles or whatever you're looking for these days." Voldemort 2 said waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. Luna soon left the room and he was left all on his own, naked as the day he was born.

"Now nigga, this is the life!" He thought as he reclined on his panther skin bed. His dick was flaccid and very happy, and just smiled as he picked up his "To Fuck" list. "Now let's see here… ah! Hagrid's next. Now that will be-" his train of thought was interrupted as he heard a voice emanating from the front door of his chambers.

"Voldemort 2 you motherfucker." Came the first voice in a ghostly manner.

"You didn't have to kill u-" A huge whack noise could be heard.

"Shut the fuck up Hermione."

"I'm a gingernut." The third and final voice said.

Another whack was heard "You too Ron. You're ruining the… Oh fuck it! Just get in there!"

The door burst open and standing there were three faces that Voldemort 2 had never wanted to see again. But there something odd… OH MY GOD! HARRY IS CHEWING ON LUNA LOVEGOOD'S BRAINS! THE GREAT TRIO HAVE TURNED INTO ZOMBIES!

"Holy fuck!" Voldemort 2 screamed and grabbed the Beretta M9 pistol from under his pillow. The trio started to move forward. "Die motherfuckers!" he shouted as he fired into the flesh eating horrors. The bullets went into their bodies and blew out large chunks of flesh, but it just wasn't stopping them. Then he ran out of ammo. "Shit I forgot! The only way to kill a zombie is to either remove the head or destroy the brain." he thought, his memory flashing back to when he had first watched Shaun of the Dead while Minerva Mcgonagall had sucked him off. He'd laughed so hard at that movie his dick had become suck inside her throat and she had choked on it. Still, best blowjob of his life by far.

"What the fuck do you want!" he shouted at the trio who were now at his bottom bed glaring at him.

"Isn't it obvious?" Harry said, spitting out the brains of that once charmingly odd girl. "We want revenge for your brutal murder."

"Yeah! We're gonna-" Harry slammed his undead fist into Hermione's jaw and due to the rot that her body was going through, her jaw completely snapped off and flew across the room, allowing the maggots and worms that had infested her mouth since her resurrection to fall out and hit the ground.

"How many times have I got to tell you to SHUT THE FUCK UP HERMIONE!" Harry roared at the sad zombie woman. He smiled back at Voldemort 2 and said "But don't worry, we aren't going to kill you. Well… not yet at least. What we really want is to deprive you of your masculinity."

Voldemort 2 clenched his buttocks. "My what?" he said in little more than a whimper.

Harry bared his teeth and said "You better start crying like a little bitch, cos you gonna get raped!"

Voldemort 2's heart sunk and he said "No I'm straight!"

"Like I care. Ron! Hold him down. Hermione! Get his dick ready." And they when off to do his bidding.

Ron grabbed his hands and pulled out a hammer and some nails. He placed the first hand on the bed board and aimed his hammer. "No you can't do this! I'm the dark lord of this world, it isn't meant to be this way!"

"I'm a gingernut." Ron said with utter contempt, baring the blown off face that he once had that was now a filthy breeding pit for bee larvae and herpes. He slammed the hammer down and the first hand was now stuck on the bed.

As Ron dealt with the screaming jackass, Hermione was tackling the task of getting the recently pleasured manhood back into working condition. She had tried everything in her power, from jerking it, to rubbing it against her rodent infested vagina, but nothing worked. She looked down at the penis from close up but then saw something. The penis was growling at her. She didn't even have time to flinch as the dick became hard as rock and rammed itself into her eye, punchering her brain and lethally skullfucking her. Unfortunately for our hero Voldemort 2, the dong had inadvertently activated the vomit part of the zombie woman's brain before killing her, and in her final act on this cruel earth had vomited on his lap.

The puke itself consisted of brains, cockroaches and syphilis, all mixed together with vampire cum due to Hermione's dead corpse getting mouth-raped by one just after Voldemort 2 had left them. Now the sperm from that very fertile bloodsucker was biting Voldemort 2's penis, balls and legs like millions of mini piranhas.

Ignoring the son of the dark lord's screams, Harry pulled down his dirty rotten trousers and got ready to start the full frontal fuck. But to his horror when he pulled them down he discovered something of nightmarish proportions. HIS DICK HAD COMPLETELY ROTTED AWAY!

"Fuck!" he screamed "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! MY DICK!" he looked at Ron who had finished nailing both of Voldemort 2's hands to the bed board and saw that he had a throbbing erection. "Give me your dick, Ron!"

He leapt over the bed and slammed into Ron. Ron fought back, but Harry slammed his fist straight into the ginger man's face and unfortunately for Ron all of these years having his face rot away had weakened his skull greatly, and this meant that Harry's fist passed straight through his skull and turned his brain into mush. But Ron's body would have vengeance, for you see his head had been turned into a makeshift bee hive and now that it had been destroyed, the inhabitants of that once great insect city wanted revenge on that destroyer of worlds.

Even so, Harry ripped off Ron's manhood and attached it to his own with voodoo magic he had learned in his second life and positioned himself in front of his new victim. "Now time for the main course. I'm going to enjoy this Volde 2.0" And with those final words shoved Ron's attached dong into Voldemort 2's ass.

The vampire cum covered the new dick and started to munch on that too, but Harry didn't care, he'd never had this much fun having sex with Ginny. Ginny… now that was one memory that even now getting stung by bees, bitten by vampire cum and having sex with the dark lords son with the dick with his once best friend while his other friend lay dead with her jaw off in the distance, that was one memory that was pure in his mind. He started to cry.

Voldemort 2 was in agony at all this, but then noticed Potter slow down. He got slower and slower until there were only momentary thrusts now and again and he could see… Harry was sobbing his heart out.

"Why?…" Harry said no louder than a whisper. He just stood there in silence until his head jerked up and he said "Why! Why did you do this to us! I was happy goddammit, for the first time in my life there was no living under a staircase! No "you're the boy who lived Harry"! No evil madman who wanted to kill me and my friends! None of that! I was loved! I had true friends for the first time in my life and I had a beautiful wife and son!" He thrust again, harder than before, his face in absolute rage as the bee stings swelled his head. "And _you _took it all away from me! From us! We were truly happy and you destroyed us, you even killed our loved ones! My son is dead, my wife is dead, hell _I'm _dead!" He thrust harder and harder, and soon his head was the size of a balloon from the stings and Voldemort 2's ass was bleeding like a woman's period on steroids.

"What fucking excuse have you got! GIVE ME ONE GOOD FUCKING EXCUSE!"

Voldemort 2 just looked at the whiny man and laughed, laughed harder than ever in his life and said "Love, love, love, love, why don't you shut the fuck up! You're like a broken record! Why did I do all this? What's my excuse? Isn't it simple?" he grinned. "It's because I can. I don't need an excuse. It's because my father was a power crazed fool with an obsession with blood purity, when he was a half-blood himself! But I never hated him as I hated you, Potter! You and your smug way of going through this world with everything handed to you on a golden platter, it makes me sick! You survived just because your cockslut of a mother failed to save her own life protecting you and all of a sudden you're the fucking messiah? Pathetic! I'll tell you one thing though, when I got to your wife and kid, I made them suffer. I made them pay for your life in any way I could. By the end of it both of them were slaves to my dick, the only reason I finally finished them off was because they just didn't satisfy me anymore." Harry's head was now leaking pus from every orifice in his head and he looked like he about to cum.

"So is that good enough, Harry? Is that the answer you were looking for? I did all I did… because it was fun."

Harry had never hated someone so much in his life. The speed he was now pounding at least about 100mph and he was ready to cum. He lifted his head as the skin started to rip and roared to the high heavens "_FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"_

He came, and an ocean of jizz enteredVoldemort 2's bowels, and as if in celebration of this story, Harry's head exploded, covering the room in puss, eye juice, brain matter and AIDS. The body of that whiny little bitch then collapsed on the floor, dead and gone for good this time.

Our hero Voldemort 2 smiled, because he had ejaculated as well to that beautiful moment. "You can come out now!" he said. Across the room a figure appeared. It had up until that moment been cloaked in the futuristic technology from the other universes, but now he was on view for the whole world to see.

"I see that the zombie serum still needs some improvements. After all, you saw what happened when they became emotionally unstable."

Voldemort 2 said "Yeah I know what you mean. Could you get these nails out of my hands? I need to clean up all of this shit on me."

"Of course." He grabbed the hammer from one of the now dissolving zombie bodies and granted the dictator his freedom. "Well let's get going, we've got a lot work to do if our plans going to succeed."

Voldemort 2 grabbed his trusty Beretta M9 pistol and they made their way over to the middle of the room and the figure said into his transmitter "Captain, we've got the results that you wanted. We're very close now to actually putting our plans into practice. I've got our associate with me, beam him up too."

Voldemort 2 grabbed onto the Lieutenant and said "By the way you smell a lot better, did you deal with that ass baby of yours yet?"

"Yes I have, and the worms too. Now let's go home, it won't be long until we reveal ourselves to the world." Moonsandwich Fuckcow said as they teleported back upon the starship Freedom, ready for the day to strike.

Authors note:

If you don't know who the bizarrely named Moonsandwich Fuckcow is or his backstory, be sure to check out my other stupid story My Little Pony: Tales of Heroism, chapter four to be exact.

I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you send me feedback, if you didn't like it, well… I did write this intentionally to be inflammatory and it is in the stupid section of my stories, so what did you expect?


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